picture perfect
by shel
Summary: bella frets over missing perfect moments...
1. part 1

TWILIGHT "Picture Perfect"

by shel

© july 2009

_disclaimer__: bella, edward, and the rest of the cast of characters we've come to know and love, belong to stephenie meyer and possible other copyright holders. i intended no true infringement on their copyrights; i only wanted to borrow these marvelous characters for a short time in my own scenarios and hopefully return them no worse for wear; the only things i've gained from this story are the satisfaction and pleasure of having written it and in knowing that others may have enjoyed it too…_

_rating__: pg-13_

_summary__: bella frets over missing perfect moments…_

_timeline__: bella and edward's first anniversary…_

_archive__: please don't without expressed permission…_

_notes__:this idea grabbed hold after rereading certain sections of "breaking dawn" for the dozenth time within the first two days of its release and i knew the muse wouldn't set me free unless i wrote it down – unfortunately, i didn't anticipate real-life interfering for nearly a year with my completing it…at least the muse is forgiving…please let me know if you enjoyed my tale and why and, if not, why not…and, please, don't bother wasting your time or mine by sending any flames…_

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* * *

Part One**_

"So far, so good, right?" I whispered as I tightened my grip on Edward's arm.

He kissed my temple, murmuring in my ear, "We wouldn't be here if I wasn't sure you were in complete control."

But my hand still didn't touch the door. "Maybe Emmett should've come wi--"

"Bella…You'll be fine. Alice saw."

"Unless something terrible suddenly happens which she couldn't s--"

"Bella…" He rubbed my arm in a comforting way.

I gazed into his topaz eyes. "Promise you'll get me out in time if you see…"

He kissed me in reply before he pushed open the door and we stepped inside. "Let's find the children's section."

"I don't know why I'm so nervous," I told him as my eyes darted around the bookstore, nervously taking in all the people browsing the shelves. "I've visited Charlie hundreds of times, I've been around Sue and the pack and I've been among some humans so why should I b--"

He interrupted my rambling with another kiss, one a bit more forceful than his earlier ones, and I knew he was becoming frustrated with my nerves. "I'd remind you to breathe but…"

I took an unnecessary deep breath anyway. "I'm okay," I tried to convince myself. "It's just a bookstore."

It opened six months ago but I've still been too nervous about my newborn status to think of visiting and, despite Alice's assurances, it took quite a bit of dazzling by Edward to get me into the car this morning. "I can order books online," I started to turn around, "no need to stay," I tugged his sleeve, "why don't we spend the time in our meadow and continue celebrating our anniversary alone."

He shook his head and didn't budge, "Number one, it's about to pour and Alice would be very upset if your brand new ensemble was ruined. And then we'll all have to live with her in that mood."

"So I'll change first. Besides," I grumbled, "she's psychic, she should know better than to dress me inappropriately."

"Number two," he ignored me, "Esme has already requested a sleepover for Nessie so we'll have plenty of time to continue celebrating alone later. Look around, Bella, all the books waiting…"

I did take another look and was hit with a sudden burst of excitement. "I think Children's is in the back," I motioned as I squeezed his hand before immediately apologizing for forgetting that I was still, for the short term, stronger than him. I was so extremely careful around Renesmee and my dad but I tended to forget around my vampire family.

"Relax, Bella, this was nothing." His amused chuckle didn't do much to ease my mind. Until I caught the dark amber sparkle in his eye that would have caused me to blush had I still the ability.

He was pretty sure I accidentally cracked one of his ribs last night when we both broke another headboard in an unexpected recreation of our honeymoon. If Emmett ever found out…I turned and buried my face in Edward's chest. It only made him laugh aloud as he rubbed my shoulders.

"Just because you no longer blush," he softly spoke, "does not mean you still do not entrance me."

"You _must_ love me," I mumbled in frustration. "Who else would when I embarrass myself so easily?"

"Silly Bella…" He tilted my chin up and I closed my eyes in anticipation of his kiss.

"Bella?"

I snapped my head in the direction of the faintly familiar voice. I turned around and Edward's arms locked around me as I pasted a smile on my face to see Angela Weber approaching.

"Why didn't you tell me you were coming home for a visit?" I nervously allowed myself her embrace, holding my breath. "I would've made sure we had time to catch up because Ben and I are heading back to campus now and don't really have the time."

"Spur of the moment decision on our part," Edward apologized as I quickly backed into the safety of his arms again. "Picking up books for school?"

She shook her head, "Ben wanted the latest issue of some graphic novel." She nodded her head towards the far corner. "We've been here over an hour and are running so late. Maybe you could help speed him up," she looked at Edward.

My eyes must have signaled my panic but Edward kissed me on the forehead and joked, "Speedy's my middle name."

"Thanks, Edward," Angela sighed. "I knew we should've gotten here earlier but…Are you okay, Bella? You're so pale."

"Sorry…" I apologized as I continued to watch Edward's retreating form. How could he leave me alone with her? This was such a mistake. I wasn't ready for a crowded little store much less old friends. I needed to get out, get away.

"Have I done anything to offend you?"

Startled, I turned back to Angela. To my greater surprise, I was now standing a good two feet away from her.

"I know our e-mailing got a little sparse over the past year but I didn't think I'd done an--"

"Oh, I'm sorry," I hugged her without thinking, apologizing when I heard her groan. "Sorry," I apologized again, quickly disentangling myself from her, relieved I _did_ seem to be in control of my thirst. "You haven't done anything wrong. _I'm_ the one who takes forever to write."

"I'm the same," she offered, "letting too much time go by between messages. This last semester was harder than I expected and there were some nights I didn't want to be even in the same room as my laptop."

"And before you know it, three, four weeks have gone by," I acknowledged. I knew well how time could pass in the blink of an eye. All it took was one look at my daughter. "I'm sure you did great in your classes."

"I'm not Ivy League material," she admitted, "but I'm pleased."

"I'm not Ivy League material either," I muttered even though I knew she hadn't meant it as an insult.

"Bella…" I heard Edward's exasperated sigh.

Even though I knew she couldn't have heard him, I nervously and quickly added, "Before we came here, I did shoot off a thank you for your e-card the other day. It's very sweet that you remembered our anniversary."

She smiled shyly as if I was making too big a deal of her gesture. "How'd you celebrate?"

"Just a simple dinner alone," I smiled, recalling the ease in which I took down that mountain lion. For someone who had such an aversion to blood as a human, I certainly picked up hunting easily enough. "You know me," I shrugged, "I hate having a big fuss made over me."

She smiled, "Like a wedding?" I laughed and she hesitated before asking, "You were so nervous then. Is it what you hoped for, marriage I mean? With school and everything I can't begin to imagine myself as somebody's wife."

"It's everything I ever wanted and more," I promised to my eavesdropping husband as well as in reply to her.

As if on cue, Edward came back with Ben in tow. I hadn't remembered Ben being so tall. Angela still had an inch or two on him but I had to look up a bit to meet his gaze. After a careful hug from me, he wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "Got it," he told her, lightly tapping her with his book. "It was right there the whole time."

She patted his arm indulgingly, "Can we go now?"

Edward, meanwhile, showed me the entire set of _Little House on the Prairie_ books. For a little girl who has already read Tennyson, I wasn't sure Renesmee would appreciate the simplicity of them but, then again, they _were_ childhood classics and I hoped she would take after me at least when it came to her taste in reading.

I took the books but told him I would still like to look around. I hadn't attacked Angela so I felt a bit more secure in staying. Although, one of the books on my list was a new copy of _The Merchant of Venice_, to replace the one Alice had torn last year, I was no longer sure I should do that with Edward at my side. It brought back too many frightening memories of the Volturi "visit." Perhaps a new copy of _Wuthering Heights_ would be better.

"I remember those from when I was a little girl," Angela interrupted my thoughts. "I loved watching it on cable."

I glanced down again at the books I held and vaguely recalled, "My mom got me into the series but I have no idea what happened to my old books."

Edward's phone suddenly chimed and I watched him frown before he handed it to me. "Rosalie."

In the early morning hours we had dropped off Renesmee at Charlie's so he could take her fishing and, surprisingly, Rosalie had offered to accompany them. So I tried not to worry when I was informed that, now back at Charlie's, Renesmee had thrown up her lunch. While our daughter's main source of food would always be blood, we _had_ been able to introduce human food into her diet. Unfortunately, the combination of the two didn't always agree with her, especially if she ate those meals too close together or was over-excited. "I'm sorry, Rose. There should be a change of clothing for her, just toss the ruin--"

"But there was so much food and blood and everything and I can't reach Carlisle!"

"It's okay," I quickly assured her, "it's happened before. She probably ate too much, too quickly. You know how impatient she can be. She'll be fine, don't worry. How's Charlie?"

"Maybe you and Edward should come back," Rosalie requested instead. "Charlie's been pacing back and forth rocking her but she won't stop crying and she won't show us what's wrong."

"She hasn't made the connection between her eating habits and throwing up," I said. "Tell Charlie to continue holding her and rubbing her back. She's probably exhausted and will fall asleep any minute."

Edward took the phone from my hand, "We'll only be a little longer at the bookstore. Call if she throws up again. Thanks, Rose."

I waited for him to disconnect the call and pocket the phone before sighing, "To think _Charlie_'s calmer than she is."

"Did Rosalie have a baby?" Angela wondered.

I shook my head, "She's our nie--"

"Our _daughter_," Edward interrupted. "Charlie and Rosalie are babysitting her."

I stared at him in shock. We were supposed to tell people that Renesmee was his orphaned niece.

"Your daughter?" Angela gasped at the same time Ben uttered, "Wow…"

"Yeah, wow…" I was beginning to wonder if a vampire could hyperventilate when I felt Edward's fingers stroking my spine.

He calmly added, "She's almost three months old." The fact that Renesmee was actually _eleven_ months old but looked like she was about four _years_ old was something we _couldn't_ reveal. What had he done to all our plans?

I felt even more self-conscious when I realized they were both staring at me. I tugged uncomfortably at my blouse's hem and muttered something about my quick metabolism and having been all baby.

And then I nearly dropped the books when Edward pulled out his wallet where I knew he kept half a dozen pictures of our daughter. He only withdrew a single shot, one of my favorites taken when she was barely a week old but already looking like she was several months old, and I sighed in a surprisingly maternal way.

Angela asked to see others but Edward politely lied that this was the only one he had on him at the moment.

No one ever anticipated Renesmee and even though Alice and Rosalie created those photo albums within weeks of her birth, I still feel the pressure of time being so fleeting for her. Physically, she'll be fully grown in just a few more years. And it makes me feel sad and guilty all at the same time.

I felt Edward's lips brush my hair and I softly apologized. I knew it was wrong to keep feeling this way when I was so immensely grateful we had a daughter who was vibrant and healthy. Nothing else should matter.

"A baby," Angela murmured, shaking her head, "why didn't you tell me?"

"And you managed Dartmouth at the same time?" Ben sounded impressed.

"We never made it to Dartmouth," I quietly confessed, looking to Edward for further guidance on what we should say.

"That's why you never talked about school in your messages," Angela realized. "But she's beautiful and I can't imagine you'd be ashamed of her so why the secret? I never heard a word about it from anyone."

"We've pretty much kept to ourselves," Edward admitted as he pulled me close to his side, rubbing my upper arm as if to ward off a chill only I could feel. "It has been a…_difficult_ year."

"This is our first real major outing since our honeymoon," I added truthfully enough.

"You had complications like requiring bed-rest? Were you hospitalized?" Ben questioned with concern.

"But she's okay, right?" Angela asked at the same time.

"She's healthy and growing every day," I nodded. They didn't need to know just how fast nor how special she truly was.

"But _you're_ not okay," Angela quietly said. "It's why you didn't share the news, why you're so pale now, why your eyes are so light-colored now. It's not just about the baby's health, is it?"

I wasn't sure what the best response was, especially to someone as perceptive as Angela, and again looked to Edward.

He, just as quietly, replied, "Renesmee will be our _only_ biological child."

Angela mistook my sigh of relief at Edward's quick thinking for a sigh of pain and reached out to hug me. "Oh, Bella…"

"Man, that's rough," Ben sympathized. "How're you guys holding up?"

I found myself lightly patting her on the back. "Thanks, Angela, but it's okay, I'm fine now. Really."

"It was too close," Edward murmured.

I could only imagine the memories he was now reliving. A year later and he still blamed himself for at first selfishly wanting only me to survive the deadly pregnancy and then for being the one who ultimately took my life. "We're okay and it's all good now," I assured him more than the others, "just like I knew it would be."

Ben shook his head in awe, "You guys are parents…I can't even being to picture it in my head, the whole baby thing. You think you'll try school this coming semester or do you still need to be home?"

I reached for Edward's hand and gave it a careful squeeze as I tried to lighten the moment by answering, "I'm betting Dartmouth will be a breeze after this…"

Both Ben and Angela laughed while Edward barely smiled. "Believe me, Ben, I hadn't planned on ever becoming a mom but I wouldn't trade our little surprise for anything. Renesmee means the world to us."

"Unusual name but pretty. It's too bad you didn't bring her with you," Angela sighed. "I'd've loved to have seen her."

"I'll e-mail pictures," I promised as we finally said our goodbyes. "And I'll be better about keeping in touch."

"Me too," she nodded before giving me another quick hug. "We'd better get going. And congratulations!"

***** ***** ***** ***** ***** *****

"Perhaps I made a mistake with the announcement," Edward confessed when we were on our way back to Charlie's.

"Perhaps you did," I agreed as I reached for his hand, "but I'd like to understand _why_ you did. _You_ were the one who helped plan the cover story for Renesmee's birth so why blurt out the truth like that?"

His eyes flicked from the road to me, "When Angela thought she was _Rosalie_'s…"

He was still bothered by Rosalie's attachment to Renesmee. I traced his knuckles with my fingers, "Rosalie's not trying to take my place." He hesitated before nodding and I looked down at our hands, "And now _you_ know…"

"Know what?"

I met his gaze, "How _I_ felt when Charlie met Renesmee. When I couldn't let him think she was anyone's but ours."

He pulled his hand free and brought it up to my cheek, caressing it with his knuckles.

"It's so hard not to talk about her in my e-mails," I sighed, reaching for his hand again, pulling it back into my lap, "just sticking to safe topics like the weather and movies, when all I want to do is shout about my wonderful, beautiful, amazing daughter."

He nodded and I shrugged, "I'm sure Angela and Ben won't blog about it but word _will_ get out, Edward. And we're going to have to adjust our plans."

"Perhaps we've been living in our own little world for too long," he apologized.

"_Never_," I pinched him. "There will _never_ be enough alone time for us. But," I rued, "maybe it _is_ time we left Forks, at least for a few years. We're still registered with Dartmouth…"

"Even if we returned here after graduation, she'd still look too old for the actual passage of time," he commented.

"We wouldn't have to announce our return," I suggested. "We could just visit Charlie. With Jacob practically living with us, my dad's really the only tie we have to Forks."

"And what will he tell people about our lives?" he considered. "Is it fair to Charlie to keep his granddaughter a secret?"

I didn't have an answer but assured my husband, "We'll think of something. We always do."

***** ***** ***** ***** ***** *****


	2. part 2

_**Part Two**_

As was customary for our family in the evening before Renesmee's bedtime, Edward was playing piano while the others took turns entertaining her. But instead of sitting on the sofa, eyes drawn to my husband or daughter, I found myself standing by the wall of glass brooding over the day's trip to the bookstore.

Edward had certainly understated it by calling the past year difficult. To think a year ago all I had been concerned about was overcoming some wedding night jitters. But after that magical night, I'd impulsively requested that Edward postpone changing me until after I'd experienced a semester of college just so I could enjoy life as a married human a little while longer.

Regardless of Edward's being a vampire, pregnancy had never even remotely floated around my thoughts. But that same magical night had changed everything.

My fingers brushed my stomach as I recalled the moment I first felt Renesmee flutter inside me. The unexpected nudge from an impossible little bump that had literally appeared overnight. I closed my eyes as I relived the overwhelming emotions that had hit me at that time: horror at the reality of some low-budget movie plot device to love for the tiny being connecting me to Edward back to horror when Edward announced what he wanted to do to the baby I carried.

Hugging my arms to my chest I tried to push away those memories, that desperate call to Rosalie and the tense sixteen-hour trip home, the physical pain as my body rapidly adapted to Renesmee's presence, the conflict caused within the family over my decision to endure the pregnancy, the rift created in the pack when Jacob went Alpha by choosing me over it, and the fear spread due to the Volturi threat as a result of their knowledge of Renesmee's existence.

My teeth clenched tight as I tried to banish those thoughts of pain and heartache. While the words I'd spoken to Angela at the bookstore also echoed in my head. I tried to calm myself with the knowledge that I meant what I'd told her. Never once, for even a split second, have I regretted Renesmee nor my being changed as an immediate result of her birth.

How could I? I had always planned on being changed by Edward. And she is the light of our lives.

I suppose if I could wish for anything to have been different it's that we would have had a greater familiarity with the legends. I wish we could have known in advance that it was entirely possible for me to become pregnant and what was to be expected from such an unusual pregnancy.

Because if I had only known to anticipate the pain of such an accelerated growth and the strength of my unborn baby, not to mention the best way to nourish her, I might have been able to enjoy it more. Instead, I'd spent those brief few weeks weak and dying, not only terrified of losing the baby but terrified my husband would cave to his desires and save _me_ against my wishes.

If we had known more, Edward might not have spent those same weeks agonizing needlessly over what he'd done to me. Unfortunately by the time he'd heard his unborn daughter's thoughts of love for her parents, my fate had already been sealed and we were out of time.

If only I could recapture those precious moments for him and find some way to lessen the pain of those weeks. With practice I was now more skilled in my ability to share my thoughts with him. But would hearing my thoughts assuage his feelings of guilt and remorse that had only been initiated by some all too human reactions?

"Bella?"

I spun, putting my hand to a heart that no longer beat, and faced Jasper. We apologized simultaneously and I quickly checked to see if Emmett was about to tease me but he was too engrossed in a video game with Renesmee to catch my own human reaction. I sighed, unsure how much longer I'd still be able to beat him at arm wrestling.

"Would you like to talk?" Jasper softly asked. I shook my head and he continued, "Even if your friends spread the word, it's not as though anyone will be knocking on our door demanding to see Nessie. Nothing must be decided tonight."

"We have to decide _something_. Even if we avoid going to town, Edward brought up Charlie," I pointed out. "What can _he_ tell people? Will he only be able to show old pictures of her pretending she's still that age? And if he's in town and someone corners him, how will he explain keeping his granddaughter a secret or why he doesn't show her off?"

"He'll do exactly what you both did today," he suggested, "by keeping it as honest as possible and by keeping it simple. Let the person talking to him infer the rest."

"So much happened so quickly," I sighed and gazed out the window, "and maybe that's why I was so nervous about going to Port Angeles today. With all we experienced this year, I guess I forgot there was a real world out there." I turned back to him, "I'm not sure I'm ready yet for that to change."

"Like I said, no one expects any major decisions tonight. Look," he smiled, sending waves of calm at me, "Nessie's spending the night so why don't you and Edward go home? Despite the happy tunes he's playing this evening, his emotions have been running pretty much the same as yours. You both need to relax and enjoy the moment. There's only _one_ first anniversary."

"I'm afraid we won't be able to relax, not with this hanging over us," I shook my head just as Alice bounced over to us.

"Just follow your instincts," she remarked as she pecked my cheek.

And when I saw the look they exchanged, I knew Alice was about to help Jasper relax from the tension I'd been causing and I kissed his cheek, blushing from my impulsive action without truly blushing. "Sorry about the emotional overload."

"Don't worry about it so much, Bella," he nodded as he turned to Alice with a smile, "it'll give you gray hair."

"I've told her that but she never listens to me," Alice laughed at the rolling of my eyes before they zipped up the stairs to their room. "See you soon, Bella."

I shook my head with a smile and suddenly realized the piano was silent. I turned back in the direction of the others. Carlisle still sat on one sofa absorbed in a medical journal while Edward was heading towards the other sofa where Renesmee sat sandwiched between Esme and Rosalie who were both reading home decorating magazines.

"Bedtime, Nessie," he pleasantly announced, stretching out his hand to her.

An explosion sounded from the TV and Emmett, on the floor in front of Renesmee, groaned as she replied in a distracted voice, "Not ready yet."

"Now, Nessie."

"We're in the middle of a game, Edward," was Emmett's annoyed reply. "Dammit, that was my last fortress!"

"Language!" Esme scolded without looking up from her magazine.

"You should have thought of that before starting a new game so close to bedtime," Edward retorted. "Come, Nessie."

"No, Daddy."

I wasn't the only one to gasp. Renesmee _never_ said no to her father.

"This has nothing to do with Jacob leaving so soon after dinner and you know it," he replied to her unspoken thought. "Because you have human needs and still require sleep, that's why." He stood before her, stiffly holding out his hand for her remote control. "Uncle Emmett will save the game for tomorrow."

"No."

I could see the strain in Edward's face and quickly approached. "Renesmee," I firmly told her, "you heard Daddy. It's bedtime."

"We'll pick up the game tomorrow in the exact same place," Emmett quietly declared. "Don't worry, Nessie."

"No!"

"Renesmee, either we go upstairs right now," Edward threatened, "or we go home and you don't have your sleepover."

"NO!"

Alice and Jasper suddenly reappeared, their clothes slightly disheveled, and watched the scene with surprise as the rest of the family stared with dropped jaws. Renesmee had never once talked back like this, not even during mealtime.

Edward swiftly removed the remote control from her hand and dropped it in Emmett's lap. He then picked her up and carried her to the front door.

To our shock, she was struggling in his arms, kicking and punching him, "I was finally winning!"

"You will play again tomorrow," Edward repeated as I apologized to the family, particularly Esme for her ruined plans.

Esme acknowledged me with a smile while she tried helping calm her granddaughter. "You had a very long and exciting day, sweetheart, but now it's time for bed and sweet dreams. We'll have our fun tomorrow. I promise."

I looked to Jasper for additional assistance, grateful when he nodded in reply.

"We can even go digging for worms if you want," Rosalie offered, albeit with a grimace on her face.

"Hey, can I come?" Emmett cheerily requested. "You think they taste anything like those gummy worms kids seem to love at school. Huh, Nessie, how about it? Worms for snacking?"

"Nessie, let Uncle Emmett eat the real worms for now," Carlisle spoke up. "We'll get you gummy ones if you want."

"What are you thinking?" Rosalie slapped Emmett on the arm.

"I'm just sayin'," he shrugged and winked. "So, Nessie, worm day tomorrow after our game?"

But Renesmee was having none of their bantering so I took her from Edward, hugging her. "Come, Nessie, show me your day and all the fun you had fishing with Grandpa Charlie."

She refused to touch my face and buried her head in the crook of my neck but at least she'd stopped kicking and punching. "Thanks Jasper," I murmured.

"She simply needs a good night's sleep," Esme decided. "Sweet dreams, precious one," she whispered pressing one last kiss to Renesmee's hair.

I rubbed Renesmee's back and kissed her often as Edward and I quietly made our way home to our cottage.

Despite her curious meltdown, we didn't alter her bedtime ritual even allowing her the nightly phone call to Jacob.

Thankfully Jake did not insist on coming over, interfering with our parental authority. And while she didn't talk much to him, she was definitely calmer even without Jasper's influence.

After he promised to visit tomorrow, she handed me the phone. "Night, Jake," I told him.

"No matter what time it is, Bells, call if she needs me."

"She won't," Edward grumbled.

"I heard that, Dad…" Jake's laughter filled the air.

I pressed a palm to Edward's chest when I heard his growl. "I've talked to you about that, Jake," I chastised. "See you tomorrow," I added before disconnecting, his laughter echoing. I handed the phone back to Edward, "You know he's teasing. Don't let him get to you."

One look at his pouting daughter led Edward to mutter, "He needs to work on his timing."

I stretched out, leaning back against her fluffy headboard, and waited for Renesmee to crawl into my lap as she always did. But she remained where she was in the middle of the bed.

"Very well," Edward sighed to her, "I apologize for interrupting your game but --"

"But I think," I interrupted, "_you_ owe Daddy the apology."

She frowned and I explained, "We all know that you are far more intelligent than the average year-old human. But you are _still_ very much a little girl and there are rules you have to follow, including going to bed when we say."

"Yes, Momma and I also have rules that we must follow. You can ask either of your grandpas." Edward bent to kiss the top of her head and, when he started to move back, her small hands suddenly grabbed his hair, keeping him close.

I watched Renesmee finally let her day's memories fill Edward's mind. It wasn't necessary for he could hear her thoughts but it was something they could share more intimately by her initiating contact. And as he smiled and covered her hands with his, I reminded her, "Show Daddy how you helped Grandpa Charlie with his old-fashioned fishing lures."

When we had returned to pick her up, Charlie proudly proclaimed that he finally had a girl after his own heart. Evidently, unlike me, Renesmee had no qualms about handling squishy worms.

After a few minutes, she moved her hands from Edward's face to mine and he grinned as I leaned forward, "It would seem that Auntie Rose thinks worms are super yucky."

She giggled and pressed her fingers to my cheek to replay her memory of teasing Rosalie with a wriggling worm.

"I'm glad you had fun with Grandpa," I murmured as she finally cuddled with me. I stroked her long hair and fingered her soft curls, "You know, while we were out, Daddy bought you some new books." She looked up from me to her father and back to me and she smiled. "If you close your eyes maybe he will choose one and read to us."

She must have been tired because she didn't insist on doing the reading herself. And unlike her earlier display, she immediately obeyed, even nudging me with her elbow to make sure I made room for her father. "My little nudger…"

Edward had already retrieved a book and was settled next to me when Renesmee crawled over me in order to sprawl herself over both of us. He tapped her nose with his finger, winked at her, and began to read about Laura Ingalls.

She was asleep before he finished the first chapter and we spent a good part of the night resting together before Edward slipped out of bed. He seemed curiously sad but simply kissed my forehead when I asked him what was wrong.

Unable to move quickly without disturbing our daughter, I tried tugging him closer. But he simply caught my fingers, brought them to his lips, and left the room.

I gave him a couple of hours to be alone before I finally tucked Renesmee in bed. I found him outside in our private garden by the pond, gazing up at the clouds hiding the moon. I came up behind him, wrapped my arms around his waist, and pressed my cheek to his back. "I'm sorry I spoiled our anniversary celebration with that trip to the bookstore."

Before I knew what happened, Edward had spun me around, boring his intense gaze into me, "You spoiled _nothing_!"

"If we hadn't gone, we wouldn't have run into Angela and Ben. And now you're hurting and I don't know how to make it better," I apologized anyway.

"We're _both_ hurting," he murmured before kissing my lips. "All those memories…"

"Jasper said we don't have to make any decisions tonight," I commented as I angled my neck better for him.

"True enough," he agreed distractedly.

My fingers working on his shirt's buttons signaled the end to our conversation.

***** ***** ***** ***** ***** *****


	3. part 3

_**Part Three**_

It was around three a.m. when the idea hit me and after a moment of embracing it, I playfully pushed Edward, startled when he unexpectedly slid with the satin sheets and landed in a tangled pile on the floor. "Sorry," I giggled as I peered over the edge of the bed.

"You _are_ a most dangerous creature," he declared before wrapping his hand around my neck and yanking me close for a kiss, "my most _favorite_ dangerous creature."

I was a bit dazed when he released me and got to his feet, staring down at me, hands on his hips. "I hope this isn't the start of some strange anniversary ritual for you."

Now utterly dazzled by the sight of my husband's body, I forgot all about my idea and leaped up. He caught me in his arms though he staggered back a step. I mashed my mouth to his and pretty soon we were back in the bed about to break the new headboard Alice had foreseen to pre-order. I wonder if she ordered two.

Alice. "Wait, wait, wait," I suddenly gasped, "we can't."

"We _can_," he growled, nipping at my shoulder. "Nessie's asleep."

"But Alice isn't," I groaned as I forced my hands to push him back.

He propped himself over me, "And what does _she_ have to do with _this_?" He dipped his head for a sinful kiss.

"Everything," I groaned again. "She'll probably be here any min--"

His head jerked up and turned in the direction of the door. "Now?"

I was just able to make out her footsteps outside on the garden path.

"Why is she here _now_?" he complained as he shoved himself off the bed and swept his robe off the floor. "And why is she humming the theme to _Star Wars_ in her head?"

I sighed, reaching for my own robe, "Probably because Emmett watched all six movies in order yesterday with Nessie." I patted Edward's arm, "Don't worry, she fell asleep long before Anakin turned to the Dark Side. Emmett was the one who had to see it through to the end."

"Only because the Ewoks are midget grizzly bears to him," he smirked.

"Is that why he and Rosalie went hunting as soon as it was over?" I gulped. I'll never be able to look at those cute little Ewoks the same way again.

"That or he wanted to see her in her Princess Leia bikini." Edward grabbed my wrist and spun me close for a kiss. "Maybe we should see about ordering one in your size," he whispered in my ear.

"Edward…." I practically whined, though my lips were a bit busy kissing a path up his chest. My fingers began to push his robe of his shoulders.

"C'mon you guys, get decent," Alice demanded from outside, "and let me in. It's starting to rain again."

"The door's open," Edward sighed. He fixed his robe and led me into the living room where Alice waited. She held her digital camera in one hand, Renesmee's plush basketball in the other, and a garment bag lay on the sofa. He turned to me, "Is something wrong with our camera?"

"Mine's better," Alice told him before pointing her finger at me. "You didn't give me any time to prepare."

I held up my hands in mock surrender, "I only just thought of it. And _you're_ the one who said follow your instincts."

"Which I am clearly not following," Edward interjected. "What is all this?"

"This," I answered before Alice could, "is how we banish some of the bad memories."

"If you would've given me more time," Alice complained, "I might have been able to order proper padding, get a new outfit or two. You're lucky I managed to find these buried in my Bella pile."

"I've got a pile?" I gasped. "Alice…"

Edward, meanwhile, held his hands over his ears. "Would you stop with _Star Wars_?"

"Sorry," Alice grinned, "but I don't want you peeking."

"You know I can't do this without him," I said as I unzipped the bag, "so you may as well let him see."

"Nope," she giggled, "but I _will_ let you start without me." She tossed her camera to Edward who caught it in one fluid motion. "I'll be back in a while," she said as she danced out the door. "Relax, Edward, it's not the end of the world."

"What's that mean? Bella?"

I'd opened the garment bag and pulled out two maternity dresses, one skirt, and three tops. I was amazed Alice had missed so many articles when she gave away the collection she'd bought for me that I'd never worn due to how sick I'd been. I was admiring a silky deep blue top when I heard something fall. The camera. Edward stood there in shock and I rushed to his side. "What is it? What's wrong?"

His expression turned to one of horror and I stroked his cheeks, "Edward, talk to me…you're scaring me."

He clenched the blouse I still held. "This isn't possible…"

"Forget about the damn top and tell me what happened." I guided him to the sofa where I gently pushed him down and I knelt at his feet. "Did Alice see something? Is it the Volturi? Are they coming? Is Renesmee in danger?"

He suddenly hoisted me onto his lap and wrapped his arms tightly around me, burying his face in my hair. "Sweet Isabella, I don't know if I'm strong enough to go through this again. I can't lose you."

"You won't," I promised while I placed my palms to the sides of his face and forced him to look at me. "Remember our vows? We are _one_, Edward, and _togethe_r we're strong enough to get through anything. Tell me what's wrong."

He touched his forehead to mine and closed his eyes, "How long have you known?"

"Known what?" I breathed unnecessarily.

"About the baby," he replied before sweeping some hair from my eyes. "I'm sorry but surely you understand my concern. After Renesmee…Have you spoken to Carlisle? Has he researched this at all?"

"Slow down, Edward," I patiently requested, "because I'm totally lost. What research? Whose baby do you mean?"

"Ours of course."

"But Renesmee's safe, asleep in the other room," I reminded him before I began to panic. "Did Alice see --"

"Not Nessie," he exclaimed as he suddenly brought his hand to my stomach, "this one, Bella. _This_ baby."

"I'm pregnant?" I gasped before quickly sliding out of his embrace and running back to our room, shedding my robe in order to view myself in the full-length mirror we had in the corner. I kept patting myself, twisting to see all angles, but I didn't spot any visible change. I sank to the floor atop my discarded robe. "I thought I had to be human." I looked up at my husband, "How can this be? Why me? Why not Esme or Rosalie? I don't understand."

He had a strange expression on his face as he slowly knelt before me. "Are you saying you're _not_ pregnant?"

"Unless it's another miracle," I whispered, my fingers lightly rubbing my stomach. "Could it be true?"

He reached for that hand and held it between both of his, "Then I don't understand. If you're not pregnant, why did Alice bring you that clothing?"

I slipped my hand free and threw my arms around his neck. "This is all my fault! I am so sorry I scared you!" I held him tight as I quickly explained, "The idea came to me before when we were lying in bed, a way we could try to transform some of our earliest nightmarish memories with Renesmee into good ones."

Edward gently disentangled himself but still lightly gripped my shoulders. "I'm afraid I still don't understand."

I nudged him to stand, grabbing my robe from the floor as I stood too. He held it open for me and then I led him back into the living room. I picked up the blouse I'd dropped and held it in front of me. "I thought if we could take some pictures of me _pretending_ to be pregnant, it might give us some permanent reminders of how we felt when I _was_ pregnant."

He looked at me in horror, "Why would you want to remember that?"

"Even though they should be fuzzy and faded," I quietly said, "those memories are still so vivid in my head. I remember it all – getting sick, being dizzy, connecting the dots, feeling that bump. You weren't the only one terrified."

"You got past it quickly enough," he murmured.

"Because I felt her move," I reached for his hand. "I felt her move and knew I couldn't let anything happen to her. But I was so sick and you were so unhappy with my decision."

"I couldn't imagine losing you to some creature I had no right in helping create," he shamefully said.

"I understand, Edward," I hugged him, "I do. You had no reason to believe it could happen. But when it did…it was so hard for me. Instead of enjoying a miraculous pregnancy, no matter how dangerous it was, I felt so alone because, despite how you all cared for me and attended to my every need, no one felt the same about her as I did, not even Rosalie."

"We can't change the past," he apologized.

"I know," I sighed and pressed a kiss to his chest, "and I try not to dwell on it, honest. There are too many wonderful things about our lives now to worry about those fleeting few weeks. But sometimes it hits me when I see how fast she's growing. And today, meeting Angela and Ben, telling them half-truths about the pregnancy, it reminded me of how we didn't have enough time to share in the good aspects, in the fact that our baby, _our_ _baby_, was growing inside me."

I pulled away and turned toward the sofa, staring at the clothing, "All I want is to recreate in pictures those few good moments between us when we were bonded together, the three of us, just as it should have been all along. I want something concrete to remind us that we _did_ love her and prayed for her safe arrival, that even Renesmee won't be able to question our love for her when she was inside me."

"She won't," he caressed my cheek, "because I heard her thoughts before she was born. She loved us even then. So," he questioned in a tender voice, "how will staging such photos help_ now_? Won't they make remembering the truth worse?"

"I don't know," I admitted. "I suppose I haven't thought it out completely."

"I don't mean to ruin your lovely idea." He came up behind me and placed his hands on my shoulders and kissed the top of my head. "I simply don't see how this will make you, us, feel better about that period of time."

I shrugged, "Maybe it was too human of me to want to be able to have some happy pictures of me pregnant."

"Many human couples have healthy children after difficult pregnancies and don't create false photos for their family albums," he quietly pointed out.

"Could we at least try?" I twisted in his arms to face him. "Do you remember how, in that one instant, everything changed for you?"

He nearly smiled as he held me again, "Of course I do. It was one of the most miraculous moments of my existence."

"Then please, Edward," I kissed his chest again, "even if it seems silly or futile and we decide to delete them all before printing a single shot can we at least try my idea?"

"I can deny you nothing," he conceded with a soft caress to my cheek.

"Then get dressed," I hugged him excitedly before pulling away and moving back to the sofa. "Why don't you choose my outfit?" I spread out the tops and held up a dress in each hand. He examined each and finally selected the midnight blue dress and I smiled with approval. "I liked that one the best too."

He returned to the bedroom as I was slipping into the dress. I called to him quietly, knowing he would have no trouble hearing me, "I was thinking the pictures should be black and white, more artistic, so wear something dark."

"If you want to see me in black, all you need do is ask," he teased, "instead of making such elaborately creative requests."

"As if you need a request to dazzle me," I chuckled as I reached for Renesmee's plush basketball.

When he returned a few minutes later, I was still trying to shift the plush toy beneath my dress in a believable way. I growled in frustration, "It looks like I've got a basketball under my dress!" I heard his snicker and snarled at him before gasping in apology. "Sorry…"

"You're cute when you're mad." With a kiss to my cheek, he promised, "I'll be good."

When he hesitantly placed his hand on my "belly," I placed my hand over his. "I know it isn't real, Edward, and that it doesn't change the past. But maybe the loving emotions we reveal in these pictures will help overpower those painful ones of our memories."

"Then stay right there," he requested as he retrieved the camera and snapped a picture.

I held my hands in front of me to block his aim. "Wait, I'm not ready. I haven't gotten this thing in a good position yet."

"Hush," he ordered before proceeding to direct me for several different poses.

He seemed to lose himself in the project, almost like a professional would act. "Have you done this before?" I hesitated in posing the question, unsure I wanted to hear about him working with beautiful models.

Startled, he stared at me for a moment before twisting my shoulders slightly and nudging my feet apart.

"You _have_ done this before!" The growl came out unexpectedly again.

It only made him grin. "I merely apprenticed, love. And it wasn't more than a year."

"Why? When? Where?"

"You moved," he chastised. "Now," he placed me back in position, "look at the camera and smile."

I folded my arms across the plush bump.

He sighed. "The photographer's thoughts were becoming too lewd for my taste. Nineteen-forty. Chicago. Now," he pointed, "tilt your chin down toward the fire. Look into the flames."

But I couldn't take my eyes off him. "Did you ever think of going solo? Was it your first time back in Chicago since you know…? How often did you go back home? Did you --" He interrupted me with a kiss.

"Please tilt your head back down," he requested.

I rubbed my palms against his chest. "C'mon, Edward, it's like pulling teeth to get you to talk about your past."

His lips quirked slightly, "Have you ever pulled teeth?"

"Do baby teeth count?" I shot back.

He smiled my favorite smile but I refused to let myself be dazzled. I marched to our bedroom, "Maybe we should take pictures outside instead."

I didn't make it past the bed before he scooped me up in his arms. "Ah, ah, ah, Mrs. Cullen, I do believe you owe me a story."

I couldn't help myself and kissed the tip of his nose. "I do believe I asked you first, Mr. Cullen." I was half-way done unbuttoning his shirt when he frowned. I rolled my eyes, "Alice."

He carried me back into the living room just as Alice let herself in. I giggled at the sight of my pixie-sister dressed in full bright yellow rain gear.

"I'll have you know, it's designer-wear," she sniffed, hanging the dripping articles on the coat hooks near the door. "Now," she ordered, "carry her to the sofa, Edward, while I take some pictures of the both of you."

"Did you apprentice in Chicago too?" I wondered.

She glanced up from adjusting the camera's settings, "Seattle. Why? Never mind, just stand close to your husband and smile for me."

"You both owe me," I muttered just before Edward pulled me to me toes for a kiss.

An hour later, I was still muttering. Alice must have taken hundreds of pictures of me, of us, from every possible angle, but as it was _my_ idea, I really couldn't complain too much. Instead, I sighed and shifted on the sofa where I lay propped up with some pillows while Edward was on the floor kneeling next to me.

I knew what moment Alice was about to recreate even as a frown began to form on Edward's face. I reached out and tilted his chin up with my finger. "This is a moment to cherish. The moment Renesmee became real."

"For me, you mean," he quietly emphasized. "She had been real to you since that first moment of discovery."

"Don't be sad," I requested, in a hauntingly familiar request, as I leaned forward to kiss him. "Please don't be sad."

Alice politely coughed, "Why don't you sit back again, Bella? Edward, place your hands on her b--"

"I remember," he said, never breaking our gaze.

I was less than graceful in returning to my original position and Renesmee's ball shifted under my shirt.

"Behave," Edward admonished the plush toy, the sparkle back in his eye, "or I might have to send you to your room."

I giggled, caressing his cheek, "I know _I_ never minded going to my room."

Alice sighed. I guess she didn't need to be psychic to know what was running through our minds. "I only need the one shot and then the two of you can both go to your room to continue doing whatever you were doing before you called."

"I didn't call," I reminded her. "You spied."

"And you," she smirked, "are going to be so grateful that you will volunteer to go shopping with me in Seattle this weekend."

"Unlikely," Edward chuckled, his lips pressed to the knuckles of my left hand. "Bella and I have plans."

"Which will be ruined by the rainstorm that will hit the area without warning. Nope," she gloated in her tinkly voice, "Bella's mine for the weekend."

I groaned and Edward leaned close to promise, "I'll make it up to you, love."

His hand moved to my "belly" and began moving in slow circles. I watched his face as he remembered. And I lowered my shield.

His gaze snapped to mine and he inhaled sharply. I managed to smile while I still concentrated on opening my memories and thoughts to him.

I'm not sure I even heard Alice leave but he was soon lifting me up into his arms, swiftly walking to our bedroom. I managed to pull out the ball and let it drop to the floor.

"Let's create some new memories, love," Edward whispered as he lay me on our bed.

***** ***** ***** ***** ***** *****


	4. part 4

_**Part Four**_

I was in the middle of braiding Renesmee's hair when Edward entered her room carrying a flat gift box. "She works fast," I mused. "And I didn't even hear her deliver it."

"She didn't," Edward admitted. "I made a quick trip to the house."

"Oh?"

"Did Grandma make pancakes?" Renesmee piped up.

"Since when do you like pancakes?" I wondered.

"Since Uncle Emmett drizzles blood on it instead of maple syrup," Edward replied, trying to hold back a grin.

"Renesmee!"

She turned and raised her small palm to my cheek. I saw images of her wolfing down a stack of pancakes with Emmett hooting in the background and Jake grimacing in disgust as he watched. "You have to learn to eat slowly, Renesmee, and you must remember to use a napkin if you're eating drippy messy foods like that. Blood ruins clothing, you know that."

"Aunt Alice told her it was an old shirt and could get messy," Edward explained.

I kissed the top of Renesmee's head as I finished her braid. "All done. Now how about you select an outfit so we can go over to the big house for breakfast?"

She was in her closet when I saw the corners of Edwards mouth turn downward. I indicated to the box he held, "Is it that bad?"

He shook his head, "I haven't opened it yet and Alice is humming _Star Wars_ again."

Renesmee bounced back into the room, hugging her father's leg. He reached down to lift her up and smiled as she pressed her hand to his cheek. "Yes, Uncle Emmett's Jar Jar imitation _is_ funny."

She giggled and I told her, "Daddy and I will be in the living room while you dress. Okay?" She nodded and Edward set her on the bed. She bounced a bit, giggling, before I asked her to settle down and get dressed.

I indicated to the shirt she chose and told her, "Let me know if you need help with the buttons. They're pretty small." I reached for Edward's hand and we left the room, closing the door behind us.

"Is she okay?" I asked him, staring down the hallway to Renesmee's room. "She didn't seem to have any explanation for her behavior last night. Was she thinking about anything in particular?"

"Nothing that should have triggered such a meltdown," he replied as he tugged me down onto his lap.

I let out a breath, "Maybe it was just a normal human toddler thing. I remember once being in a store where a kid just sat himself in the middle of the supermarket aisle and screamed his head off. His mother had to grab him and leave without buying a thing from her wagon."

He nodded silently and I saw he was focused on the box's ribbon. "Do you want to open it now?"

Instead he pinched the bridge of his nose and muttered, "What is it with _Star Wars_?"

"It's only the greatest sci-fi movie series ever," Emmett replied from outside with a booming laugh. "Are you decent?"

I rolled my eyes, "Come in, Emmett."

"I've come for my niece," he informed us as he plopped down on the side chair. "Esme said her breakfast is almost ready and Alice suggested you might become a bit preoccupied here so here I am. Uncle Emmett Express at your service."

"Prompt and quick service," I grinned, "I wonder how it compares to the Edward Express."

"Don't encourage him," Edward warned me as Emmett jumped up with an excited look on his face.

"A race!" Emmett clapped his hands once.

The door to her room opened just then and Renesmee came running into the room and tackled her uncle. "Uncle Em!"

I exchanged a smile with Edward. Neither of us missed the way Emmett's eyes lit up as our little girl hugged him. He set her back on the floor and then turned around.

Edward was about to lift her up when I noticed that Renesmee had missed a button on her shirt. I took a moment and fixed them all for her before I tugged the hem of her shirt and kissed the tip of her nose.

Edward then lifted her up and helped her scramble onto Emmett's shoulders.

"Watch the ceiling!" I cringed as Renesmee gleefully smacked the ceiling with her palms, her head just missing it.

Amused by my reaction, Emmett playfully warned, "Duck, Nessie."

"Emmett," Edward growled.

"Quack, quack," Emmett chuckled in reply as he jogged out of our cottage.

Edward stood outside the door watching them. I could still hear Emmett's laugh mixed with Renesmee's shrieks of delight when Edward finally came back inside and closed the door. "He's the perfect playmate for her," he chuckled.

I simply smiled and held out my hand, inviting him to join me on the sofa again. He sat next to me and I handed him the box. My gaze shifted from it to him as he opened it.

I couldn't believe how nervous I was as he slowly lifted out a beautifully bound white leather album. Alice couldn't have had time to pre-order it when my idea was barely even five hours old. It must have been from Esme's collection. "I hope Esme doesn't mind," I murmured, running my finger lightly over the soft leather.

Edward assured me Esme was thrilled to help with what she considered such a small contribution. He opened the cover. Right there was a picture of Renesmee taken within hours of her birth. I lightly touched her face. "She was so beautiful. She _is_ so beautiful."

He kissed my temple and turned the page. "_You're_ beautiful," he whispered, catching sight of me in the next photo.

I reached for his hand and snuggled closer to him. "Not like you," I murmured, running my finger over his image.

The pictures were _all_ beautiful. A big part of me still couldn't believe it was _me_ in them.

We lingered over some of the photos, smiling as we recalled some of our fun with last night's posing. We were nearing the end of the album when a sigh escaped my lips. Edward turned to me.

I shrugged, "It's just not…"

He waited patiently while I tried to come up with the right words to express my suddenly depressed emotions. "I guess it's…it's not…You were right, I guess."

He didn't even try to take advantage of teasing me for _that_ confession. Instead, he drew me closer by wrapping his arm around my shoulders. I felt his lips in my hair. "Tell me."

"It's not real." I pointed to the photos where Edward's arms were around my waist, my arms cradling my "belly." "They're beautiful but I know they're not real."

"The love you see is real," he assured me, "just as you said it would be."

"But it makes me remember the truth and it's hard," I responded, "just like_ you_ said it would be."

"It's a beautiful reminder, Bella." he suggested.

"I don't know that I want to keep this," I quietly admitted. "I'm sorry for all the fuss but it's just not what I…"

"It's okay, Bella. I understand," he stated.

I stared at another picture of the two of us. "I guess I wanted…"

"A physical reminder, proof, if you will, that I love you and that I love our daughter."

"I _know_ you love us," I fiercely told him.

Edward smiled and brushed my lips with his finger, "I stand corrected. You needed to know I loved you both back then, especially Nessie."

I distractedly turned the last page, "She knows, Edward. There are moments I think she bonded with you better than anyone else."

"No one more than you," he declared, turning my face towards his. "No one loved that little girl more than you. No one risked more, no one sacrificed more." I was shaking my head and he practically growled, "Your bond with our daughter is unshakable, unbreakable."

"The same goes for y--" My voice died immediately when I suddenly noticed the last photo. It was that last shot Alice had taken, the one where we recreated Edward's first hearing Renesmee's thoughts. It was all there for anyone to see. The intense love we had for one another that spilled over to our unborn child.

There was no doubt, no pain, no fear in either of our expressions, nor in the way our fingers were intertwined; just an overwhelming abundance of awe and love. It was truly a breathtaking photo.

I looked to Edward, for the first time wishing I could shed tears. "This is _exactly_ what I wanted," my voice cracked with emotion.

He set the album aside and hugged me close, whispering his agreement in my ear, "It's perfect."

I wanted to be cute and tell him "I told you so" but I couldn't. It was too powerful a moment to ruin with such light-heartedness. Instead, I pulled back and reached for his hands, bringing them both to my mouth for a kiss. "Show me then," I requested, "show me how perfect we really are."

With a tender smile, and a smoldering gaze, Edward lifted me into his arms, carried me to our room, and proceeded to do just that.

_**the end**_


End file.
